Hey Y’all,

 

Hey Derrick. How is the weather in California? Staying busy? Hope you have time for your number one client, me, Ashley Judd. Derrick you have done so much for my career and I can’t thank you enough. You got me that role in Heat and my own franchise of women fighting back against or with Morgan Freeman. You’re the best. I’m real excited about this Senate project y’all are talking about for the fall. My people tell me nothing but good things.

It’s been a tough couple of months with the divorce and everything. I thought getting that Masters from Harvard would fix all my problems. Don’t tell anyone but it was only eight credits so it ain’t a real degree. But it sure made me feel better. Then my boys at Kentucky missed the tournament this year. It’s rough Derrick. It’s rough. Plus I haven’t been working too much 🙁 That’s why I couldn’t be more excited for this Senate project. It will be the perfect follow up to my starring role in this summer’s only White House under siege film, Olympus Has Fallen.

My people told me it’s mostly going to film in DC which is great. I could go over and see my girl Mrs. President whenever we aren’t filming. Maybe go see a Redskins game. It would be a blessing. Do you know how much the job is going to pay? Do I get points on the back end? Derrick, do you know how long filming is going to be? One of my assistant said SIX YEARS? That sounds crazy. Is this a movie or a series commitment? I won’t do another series after the failure of my last show Missing.

I have to be back for basketball season. GO WILDCATS. So do I play like a Senator who is framed for a crime she didn’t commit? Or is it that my husband is a powerful Senator that has been cheating on me with a lobbyist and she and him fake their own deaths? Maybe I am a Senator investigating the gun lobby and I have a shoot out with the head of the NRA as he chases me up the Washington Monument? It will be like Vertigo but this time Kim Novak lives. Oh, Derrick, I am so excited to get working again. Hold on. Someone is on the phone.

WHAT THE FUCK DERRICK? That was someone from CNN. They wanted to know if I was running for Mitch McConnell’s Senate seat. WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT DERRICK? I laughed and laughed. An actor running for the Senate? I mean I know it’s Kentucky but the people here aren’t that stupid. What qualifications do I have? I took some online class from Harvard for two weeks because I wanted a sweatshirt. I have spent the last 20 years acting and going to college basketball games. Senator, I mean could you imagine that?

Why would anyone think I would make a good Senator? Was this your doing? Did you tell someone in the press that I was going to run for Senate? I am an actress not a politician. I couldn’t imagine someone electing an actor for dog catcher. You would have to be out of your mind. Why don’t I run for Governor or President, Derrick. An actor being President, that is the silliest thing I have ever heard.