Dear Mom and Dad,
I am tired of living my life for you. I am tired of trying to be the person you want me to be. I am determined to find myself and be the person I want to be. I just want to be Jerry. I can no longer be a part of the family business. I am hanging up my top hat, tuxedo, and will no longer be The Amazing Jerry. I cannot be a magician another minute. My love for the craft of magic has for lack of a better word, disappeared.
Most children are able to discover magic on their own terms. They see a special, they get one of those tiny magic kits from a shop in an amusement park. I guess these days they learn tricks from youtube. However, you forced me from a young age to practice my tricks. To practice your tricks. The son of a magician and his assistant that was destined to grow up to be a magician it was too good of a story for you two. Amazing Eric, his wife, and their son performing magic together? Dad made that poster instead of sending out a birth announcement. You two couldn’t wait to saw me in half as people cheered.
At first I loved being a child surrounded by magic. Who wouldn’t? What kid wouldn’t want 20 pet bunnies? But they weren’t ever really pets were they, Dad? There is nothing amazing about having your dad break the neck of all your pets because he is trying to learn a new trick. I don’t think our neighbors ever had a golden retriever drown because their dad couldn’t break out of a giant fish tank. All my birds? Dead. The worst part? Mom’s insistence that we couldn’t waste the them. Call it Lapin a la Cocotte but I always knew what we were eating. There isn’t a family in the world that ate as much squab as we did growing up. That may have been one of your greatest tricks. Your ability to fool yourself into thinking this was all normal.
Most kids get to play soccer or baseball. I was forced to practice making coins and cards disappear. Though I doubt any kid enjoys back to school shopping, few have to waste a whole weekend being sized up several different tuxedos, top hats, and tails. I didn’t own a shirt without ruffles till I was in my 20’s. You both refused to let me find myself and be my own person. Day after day of practicing my water espaces. Holding my breath until I pass out so that I could be locked in milk jug? That seems like it borders on child abuse. But hey, at least I know how to escape if I was ever trapped at a dairy farm.
One of the biggest reason I want to stop? I have never had a girlfriend. I was locked away from the rest of the world. We travelled around so much that I never even had friends growing up. The life of a magician is itinerant at best. We were well dressed hobos. I couldn’t ever be around someone long enough to get to know them. I could talk to one thousand people but I couldn’t ever talk to just one. At no point in my life did you ever ask me what I wanted to do. You only worried about how I fit into the act. I have spent more time packed in a train car with an elephant than I ever had with someone my own age. You made my childhood disappear.
Poof I am gone.
-(Formerly) Amazing Jerry.