Hey Sean,

It’s Marty your favorite neighborino. First off big thanks to you and Becky for coming over to the BBQ last weekend. Darla and I sure do love having you as neighbors. I can’t thank you enough for letting our kids swim in your above ground pool. Your potato salad was a real hit at the BBQ, remind me to bring your tupperware back. Well, enough beating around the bush as it were. I think we both have some things to apologize for. I am sorry I touched your wife’s pussy. Let me explain.

Ultimately I guess it was my fault if we want to blame someone. I was the one who started passing around the patron shots after the kids went to sleep. However I think you have some culpability in this whole thing. Look, we were all drinking that night. Shit, Sean, we had been drinking all day. Who’s idea was it to do a shot every time we fired the potato gun at the Henderson’s house? I think that was you Sean. I agree with it in principal cause, hey, Fuck Hank Henderson. I know that son of bitch is the one calling the cops when we race our mini-bikes in the cul-de-sac.

Once the kids went to sleep that’s when we really started boozing. I guess it must have been Darla who suggested we all head over to your place to get in the above ground pool. According to her ain’t nothing sexier that night swimming. Truth be told I could see you eying her up all day. I don’t mind man. We’re neighbors and if I would let you borrow a cup a sugar, I sure as shit would let you feel all up on my sugar’s cups. One thing led to another and we were all swimming around naked as the day I pledged Delta Pheta Beta.

I guess when we headed over to the jacuzzi I knew things were ’bout to pick up. Let’s face it there is only two things that happen in a jacuzzi, pink eye and group sex. So I figured we were about to get down to the business of getting down. Sean, you were there. You know how things got going. Rubbing, kissing, etc. Now here is where I believe it gets troubling for everyone. I saw you reaching over to give Darla a good rubbing in her lady basement. Which, hey, I don’t mind. The girls seemed to be enjoying each other’s company and so I didn’t think much about you coming over into my yard as it were. That’s when I figured I had the green light to head over into your yard.

As soon as I reached over and started poking and prodding Becky seemed to freak out and shut the whole thing down. She excused herself and you two headed inside. Darla and I were left alone in the jacuzzi as the bubbles suddenly stopped. We headed home and you better believe I took care of business.

Yesterday Darla and Becky were having some white wine spritzers on the back deck and she tells Darla that I touched her pussy. Which, sure, yes. I did. But when Darla told Becky that you touched her pussy, Becky said you would never do something like that and called my wife a liar. Then it seems when Becky asked you about it you said you didn’t touch Darla’s pussy. When you did in fact touch my wife’s pussy. Which, I am not at all angered about. We were in a jacuzzi after a long day of drinking, grilling, and firing potato guns, people’s pussy’s were bound to get touched.

I am just distressed about the fact that you lied. Were you embarrassed? Is there something wrong with my wife’s pussy? Or maybe you thought you were going to get in trouble. The thing that really gets me is that you were the one that started all the other wife pussy touching. I wouldn’t have even thought to have done it if you hadn’t gone wandering over. Now I look like the pervert who is touching his buddy’s wife’s pussy and you look like some sort of group sex gentleman. Not cool Sean. Not cool at all.

I need you to admit that you touched my lady’s pink parts, pronto. I can’t have the stain of unwanted pussy touching hanging over me in the cul-de-sac. I’m a youth soccer coach, man. People talk. I don’t need this. Please clear the air so we can all go back to being friends. I just want things to go back to the way they were before we touched each other’s wives pussies.

Thanks Buddy,

Marty Halberstom