Good Day Mr. President,
Tis I, George RR Martin here. I am sure you have read all my books. Everyone in America loves to play “THE GAME…OF THRONES”. I bet you and Mrs. President get together every Sunday night and watch the HBO version of my show like everyone else. I am sure you know we just started season 3 on Sunday and the ratings were huge. You must have watched because everyone loves the magical world of Westeros. Seeing as you must be a huge fan of my writing and all the associated properties I have a favor to ask. I would like to be exempted from any and all laws pertaining to polygamy.
I figure that I George RR Martin have given America so much that the least you folks can do is let me take as many brides as I would like. You see when the first book was a hit I did what any almost 50 year old single fella would do. I ordered up a wife from eastern europe. Her name was Magdalena and she was truly the Khaleesi to my Khal. Now I know you may think ordering a wife over the phone (the internet was in it’s infancy then) is wrong. But Mr. President I was nearly 50 years old and I wear a captain’s hat every day. What options did I have? The opportunities to meet someone new are slim when your tasked with transcribing the adventures of John Snow and those no good Lannisters. Would you believe it after a few months of living with me in beautiful Bayonne Mags left me. She fled back home to Chernobyl. She said I spent too much time in the land of Westeros and not enough time with her. Plus I wouldn’t let her drive and I put a lock on the refrigerator. What can I say, I had a lot to learn about love.
So what was I to do? I took another wife. This time it was after the release of my second book “A Clash of Kings”. I spent my days and nights scouring the interent till I found a particular website that I loved wivesofthephilippines.geocities.com, it was a match made in Qarth. Qarth of course is the magical but hollow city in the second novel “A Clash of Kings”. This is how I would describe my time with Jolene my beautiful filipino bride. At first it was magic but soon after it was revealed to be empty just like Xaro’s vault. I sent Jolene back home after I caught her making time with my psychical therapist. I lost a wife but what really hurt was loosing the firm touch of Greg my PT who was helping me overcome my lifelong battle with gout.
It was a long time before I ordered love again Mr. President. I spent my time writing and dreaming of new worlds. I think you can see my broken heart in the next couple of books. It wasn’t till the success of the first season of the HBO show that I felt rich and powerful enough to take a new wife. This time I wasn’t screwing around. No more ordering wives for me. Now that I have a tv show I can go to any fantasy or comic convention in the world and after hours back in the hotel introduce my fans to George Really Randy Martin. These fangirls will do anything for me. Have you ever made Mrs. President dress up as Daenerys Targaryen the storm born? It’s pretty hot stuff. I have made love to many a young lass dressed as characters from my novel. I meet them at the signings and promise them tales of books to come if they join me in my lair at the top of the Hilton Garden Inn in San Diego after the Comic Con closes.
Well it wasn’t long before I fell in love just like with Karen. I met her at Dragon Con two years ago. We married on the morn of the harvest moon. Karen is my Khaleesi and I her Khal. I was promised that if I finished the next novel this summer I could take a second wife of my choosing. Karen said as my Khaleesi she cares not who shares our bed for no one but her can tame this stalion of Bayonne. So that’s where you come in Mr. President. With one flick of your pen you can change this archaic laws and permit me to takes as many wives as I like. Let me be the Khal I know I can be. With but a stroke of my pen I can create worlds. With a stoke of yours I can get freaky deaky with all sorts of weird ladies from conventions. I dream of marrying a slave girl Leia or even better a lady dressed as Boushh but with the slave girl Leia bikini underneath, THAT WOULD BE SUPER HOT, RIGht? Please Mr. President let me be the stallion that mounts the cosplay world.
George Really Randy Martin